January 2012 – Month 4ish

There were a few bumps at school right after the break, but nothing significant.  This was a relief after a horrible December.  Not a day went by that Mrs. B, didn’t text me – the good and the bad.  Sometimes it was a cute picture, sometimes a success Mickey had, sometimes an issue we needed to find a solution for and sometimes my phone would ring and it would be Mickey – rewarded with calling me to tell me what a great day he had.

On 1/5 I got an update from Mrs. Z, the special education teacher.  Her note in it’s entirety:

Mickey works hard in my class.  I have him first thing in the morning, which is his best time of day.  IEP goals baseline (10/31/11) and now (1/5/11)

Engage in learning tasks – Baseline 50% – Now 63% – Mickey engages better in small group and especially 1 on 1. Engagement decreases when teachers are working with other students

Improve Sight Word Recognition – Goal for the typical kindergartner is 80 for the year – Baseline 0 – Now 7 words.

Improve phonemic awareness – Baseline – 0% Update – Mickey is readily acquiring reading skills in the Read Well K program.  He can read simple two and three word sentences as prompted in the stories.

Identify emotions – Baseline 12% – Update 38%

Behaviors over the month of January continue at school and home. At school they were seeing pushing, shoving, eloping from class, screaming and throwing chairs on a near daily basis. I am also getting texts and notes detailing a sweet and loving little boy who has captured the hearts of those who interact with him.  It is very much a tale of two Mickey’s. I cringe every single time my phone alerts me to a text or a phone call.

There have been a few issues at Nikki’s with afterschool care, but Nikki has generally been able to diffuse the situations with minimal seriousness.

Home has become a living nightmare. Rages are increasing in frequency, severity and intensity.  I am pulled aside by my boss at work and asked if I am in an abusive relationship because the bruises are becoming harder to hide. Minnie runs and hides a lot and has started having nightmares.  I cry every night.  I called a friend, Carl who has been down this road with his adopted son with similar diagnosis.  Carl teaches me how to safely restrain Mickey.  He has destroyed his room, he pushed a floor to ceiling window completely out of the frame and broke a wood shelving unit and the closet doors on a 7 hour rage. He broke a recessed ceiling light and I badly cut my hand trying to clean it up. I moved him to the smaller room and Minnie to the larger because the smaller had less danger. He informs me during a rage that he wants to shoot my face off and he wants to cut my heart.

My full time job has become keeping him safe from himself and keeping Minnie safe from him. The challenge is that after the rage, he would sob and tell me how much he loved me and that he didn’t want to hurt me.  It was so sad and almost as if he was begging me to love him anyway. My heart broke more and more.  My mother and I discussed options – none of which included disruption the adoption. I began researching more intensive therapeutic inpatient options.  None took kids as young as he was.

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