The day that rocked us to our core

Feb 2012 –

I made the decision to go ahead and pay for Risperdol.  The frequency and intensity of Mickey’s rages continued to increase.  School was a problem, daycare was a problem and home was the worst of all.

On Valentine’s day, not a holiday I have ever been a fan of anyway, we came to a tipping point.  It was a work/school day and a daycare day for Mickey.  As was our normal routine, I commuted home, picked up Minnie and headed to KRK to get Mickey.  Mickey had been pretty good that afternoon, per the director.  I discovered that I would hold my breath every day until I hit the door.  I was running out of childcare options, so I feared the day KRK said he had to go. I released my breath and went to the gym to get him.  Normally he would see me and come running, but today they were playing on the Wii and he didn’t want to go.  He lost it. He threw himself down on the ground screaming.  The other kids were freaked out.  Minnie started to cry.  Mickey ran from me when I tried to calm him.  He overturned furniture, and started throwing chairs.  The other kids were cleared from the room and the owner and director came in to help.  It took 5 adults 2 hours to get him out of the building and each of us was bleeding and bruised at the end. I got him to the car and he started up again and it took another hour and a police officer to get him in a car seat so we could drive home.

I fed them and put them in bed.  I called Mickey’s therapist, Vanessa.  I was in tears and asked about having him admitted to somewhere for inpatient care.  She said there was a place and she would look into it in the morning and see what the admission process was.  I called my mom and told her, for the first time, that I didn’t think I could do this.  Mickey had to leave – hopefully not permanently, but he was a danger to our home and most importantly, Minnie.  Her nightmares were increasing and she was scared to play with Mickey.

In their foster home there had been much older girls and then a pack of boys, Minnie was the youngest and the only non-teen girl.  Minnie and Mickey had never really played together.  They never really had a relationship, though they had always been in the same house.  This was another area of sadness for me, but hardly near the top of my priority list at that moment.

I called Jesse and talked to her – begged her for help or advice.  She told me the true story.  She never wanted the kids split.  But, her family had decided that they couldn’t keep Mickey.  He was too volatile and they couldn’t keep fostering if he was there.  One of her daughters had voted against adopting Minnie and Mickey.  I never asked which one.  They never wanted to split the kids, they just knew that they couldn’t provide the services that Mickey needed. She had wanted to adopt them both anyway, but she couldn’t divide her family like that. She didn’t have much in the way of advice, but she was able to provide me with some comfort in that she “got it” better than anybody else.  I also found out that I was the 3rd adoption placement. The previous two were both 2-parent families that backed out because of Mickey.

I began to consider disrupting the adoption.  Not seriously, because I suspected that put Mickey in a group home and at 6, that wasn’t the life I wanted for him.  While our lives were hell, there was also a charming, sweet kid in there somewhere and he had my heart….and of course Minnie – she had everyone’s heart. But, DFACS wouldn’t help us.  They wouldn’t find us services, they wouldn’t pay for meds (which they should have been, the adoption wasn’t final), and they often blew off any requests for help.  They came out and did their monthly visits, read the notes from the teachers, listened to me tell them the horrors and Elise left and filed a report…then nothing happened.

Vanessa came out the next day with Matt.  She said she had started the paperwork for inpatient admission.  In the meantime, she had mobilized a team of CSI’s and added Matt to our schedule.  This would now have us seeing someone 6 days a week – 1 CSI would visit his school and 1 his daycare, the rest would be in the evening at our home.  Matt was a family therapist, and when they left after 2 hours, nothing was resolved, but I felt like we were doing somthing.  Mickey was back on Risperdol, therapists were in place and an inpatient program was in the works.  So, we trudged on.  The month had his first suspension from school – the teachers and administrators trained in restraint were out at training, and he made it 40 minutes into the day without them.  Any day when there was a break in routine was a disaster, and those teachers being out threw his day….but, to be fair, it didn’t take much.

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