She thought I was crazy

Nothing much changed with regards to behavior through the early part of March.  Things were slightly calmer, but the meltdowns were still frequent enough that I never let my guard down.  But, on March 10, 2012 we had a breakthrough.  One we didn’t expect. Elise came out for her monthly visit.  She informed us the six month waiting period would be up in a month.  The conversation went like this:

Elise: So, next month marks the 6 month point.  I assume with everything going on, you don’t want to finalize, right?

Me: No.  I do want to finalize.

Elise: Are you crazy…I mean, why?

Me: I love Minnie and Mickey.  Things are rough, I admit.  But, realistically, DFACS isn’t providing us much support, and your every visit sends Mickey backwards.  He wants to finalize.  I want to finalize.  I love them and they are my children.  I am not sending them back, so I see no benefit to prolonging the process. We will get mickey the help.  We have a team in place, and we will get there.

Elise: Mickey doesn’t understand adoption. Why do you think he wants to finalize? Mickey, do you know what adoption means?

Mickey: It means my last name will be the same as Momma’s, Grandma’s and Grandpa’s, and Uncles.  And we don’t have to see you anymore.

I was somewhat embarrassed by the rudeness of that statement, but Elise wasn’t upset.

Elise: I am surprised, but I will sign off.  The thing we want most is for the kids not to feel they need us.  I will release you on April 11.  We can then file for a court date and start the finalization process.

Was it crazy? Yes.  Was it the right thing? Yes.  If he were my biological son, I wouldn’t send him out of our home (permanently). A disruption could have been the beginning of the end for him. The thought of sending him back into a system that felt inept scared me.  It scared me for Minnie too.  I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her either.  She was my bright and shining light, no matter how dark our days were, she delighted me with her wide eyed wonder.

For every meltdown Mickey had, Minnie blew me away with her kindness.  Her brother scared her, but she tried to comfort him.  She had grown comfortable with animals, especially my elderly cancer afflicted cat.  She put a dozen baby dolls to bed each night, she brought me stuffed animals to sleep with, each one carefully chosen by her.  She charmed people everywhere she went.  She loved all things pink, purple or sparkly.  She complimented total strangers on their beautiful hair, their handsome postal uniform, their beautiful dairy queen uniforms.

Mickey’s teachers loved him, despite his unpredictability.  My parent’s were delighted by them both. Mickey could make me laugh in a way no one could.  His view of the world was fascinating.  And to add to the chaos, we found the dog that Minnie begged for and that Mickey wasn’t afraid of.  Maybe Elise was right, I was crazy.  The last thing we needed was more chaos in our house.  I was barely holding on as it was, with a sick cat, two kids and a full time job, we didn’t need a 10 month old puppy.  Yet, there was something about this dog.  Mason joined the family on March 12th, 2012.  We were all in love.

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