Silence, birthdays and updates

I haven’t written because I don’t know what to say.  So, let me start with a few updates and then we can get to the main issue….

I turned 40.  I don’t know how the hell it happened, but it did.  I am not upset by the age, I am struggling to reconcile myself with that age though.  When I was the age my son is now, approx., my parents turned 40.  It seemed so old and grown up.  Obviously it isn’t old, but it feels like I should feel more grown up than I do.  It still feels like high school was a couple of years ago to me, not 22.  But, whether I was ready or not, 40 is here as of last week.

Employment – I was scheduled to lose my job the day before my birthday.  However, I got a call from another division within the company asking me to come down and work on a different project.  The end result is likely the same, but we are hoping it buys me 6-8 months of time.  I now have to go into the office three times a week, thus adding 15 hours of commute time to our already packed schedule and I am working a ton more hours, but at least I am still employed.

Dance classes have started – Mickey is loving his tap class, has declared his Jazz Funk “too funky” and loves his ballet class and just started his Nutcracker roles (soldier and squire – again). Minnie is rocking her Nutcracker roles (Party scene girl, candy cane, frost fairy), her Jr. Company class – where she is among the youngest and her dance team class – where she is the oldest :-).  Dance is going well.

School – We are entering week 5 and for Mickey this has been our best year yet.  He loves his teacher, he is engaged in learning, he is even asking relevant questions (peppered with many irrelevant ones as well).  So, all is well there. Minnie loves school and thinks her teacher is “awesome!!”.  There have been no issues to report.

Why the cryptic beginning to the post then?  Well, that is because while everything seems to be going well we are having a serious problem.  One that honestly has me scared.  I feel as though we are a house of cards and the wind is blowing.  Mickey had two incidents this weekend that were scary.  They were violent, they were illogical, they were nasty.  Both were triggered by my saying no to something very minor.  This has honestly been building for weeks – since school started.  I am seeing a lot of throwing items, hitting his sister, turning over furniture, screaming, yelling, kicking and language (seriously, the language!!).

We have not seen those behaviors in a very long time (except on very rare occasions and usually with a more dramatic trigger than a no).  Sunday he broke his desk, turned over a chest of drawers, broke a dining room chair and then ran about a mile down the street.  Yesterday he seemed to be purposely escalating the situation after the initial no.  He overturned the coffee table and threw everything he could get his hands on.  He called me some words that I didn’t even know he knew.

He is now about 2 inches shorter than I am and when he is raging, his strength is unimaginable.  I am very concerned by the increase in behaviors and perhaps even more concerned that we are only seeing this increase at home.  I guess I prefer it there to school or dance, but still….

He will be 11 very soon and I feel like we might be dealing with hormones.  He hates my new schedule and it is highly disruptive to him, so there is that.  Otherwise, life is pretty stable for him, but this path we seem to be careening down has me petrified.  He is going to hurt himself (not intentionally, he doesn’t self harm at all) with the aggression.  His seemingly random explosions have his sister scared and me too.  So, please keep us in your thoughts.  We see the therapist soon and I will be asking.  I don’t think it is meds – he is doing great during the day, but ever single thing I do seems to piss him off beyond reason.  The issue is clearly me, but I am unsure how to get past it.

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